Title: Concerning Humanity

Author: Angel Leviathan

Spoilers: Anything, everything.

Season: 3, after ‘The Q and The Grey’.

Disclaimer: Voyager, characters, concept, etc, aren’t mine.

Notes: Very random. Set out to write humour, but this came out instead.

She heard those words in her mind for what must have been the hundredth time that day. Still with no certain idea why they bothered her so much, Kathryn sighed and took another padd from her desk, leaning back as she began reading yet another crew report. Except she didn’t get far past the first line.

Did that single line bother her because it meant he still cared?

Because he was protective of her?

Because she had to admit she liked to be the one being protected once in a while?

Or because it reminded her that she still cared?

That it was she who was keeping the distance between them?

Kathryn sighed again, determined to stop her attention wandering, trying to bring the Captain in her firmly back into gear.

Nothing.

So she tried to throw her emotions to anger, knowing her anger would fuel her into doing something with purpose; what right did he have to act in such a way? He was right; he didn’t have any right to feel that way!

…He had every right…he had every damn right…

Why was he always such a distraction?

The door chimed, and she was so determinedly forcing herself to concentrate on the contents of the padd, that another chime issued forth before she noticed. Grateful for the ‘different’ distraction, Kathryn dropped the padd to the desk, looking up, "Come in."

Except it wasn’t a different distraction.

Damn him.

She studied him as he walked in, and must have continued studying him, for he had to prompt her into responding, as the door before him had.

"Captain?"

She tilted her head, realising Chakotay was frowning down at her in a concerned fashion. Still she didn’t feel inclined to react.

Did it bother him because he was possessive?

Because he thought of her as ‘his’?

Duty?

What?

"Why?" Kathryn questioned, voice barely audible.

His frown deepened, "Captain?"

Realising the situation could quickly get out of control, she suddenly wished she could take her question back. Then again, it had been more than curiosity…he’d only ask more questions himself if she tried to ‘escape’, "…Why did it bother you?" she continued.

"…I don’t understand, Captain," he understood. He understood exactly what she meant.

Captain?

Always Captain?

She had made sure of that.

"…Why did it bother you so much that Q…" Kathryn trailed off, though didn’t look away, clearly expecting some form of answer.

Chakotay took a couple of steps back from her desk, only to find she responded by getting to her feet, making no attempt to move after him.

"This isn’t an inquisition, Chakotay," she said. She frowned, "…Would you have said that same if it had been B’Elanna in that position?"

"Of course," he replied, almost instantly.

Wait…

…Now maybe she was getting somewhere, if only in her own mind.

"…And you would have every right to feel that way…" Kathryn prompted.

"…Yes…"

Oh.

So that was it.

"But you don’t have any right to feel that about me?" she dared continue.

Chakotay exhaled, somewhat helplessly answering her, "You made your feelings on this clear. You evidently don’t want me to feel any emotion of that sort toward you. Therefore I don’t and didn’t have the right."

The truth hurt.

She would have resented it.

Maybe even should have resented it.

From anybody else.

She didn’t need their help, defence, protection, possessiveness, whatever she had believed he was feeling.

…So why was it okay for her to accept such emotion from him…?

"…Is that what you really think?" Kathryn asked, softly.

He took one step back toward the desk, "I thought we’d established that detachment was the best policy."

"…So you think you’re not allowed to feel anything for me…?"

Was that selfish?

Was that demand?

Was that her actually wanting him to feel more for her?

Chakotay sighed in much the same manner as she had before, "I don’t want to hurt you…Kathryn…and to be honest…I don’t want to get hurt either."

Pain.

Rejection.

Guilt.

"But…" she was unable to stop the denial escaping, "But…you can’t…" Kathryn looked up at him, blue eyes wide, expression almost frantic, "You cant. I need you," she abruptly looked away, as if the realisation had just hit her too, "…I need you, Chakotay…"

He shook his head, "You can’t just choose what you want from me."

"I-"

"Admit it. If you could, you would."

Blame…

Wounding…

Bleeding…

"…Do you really think I’m that selfish?"

Self absorption?

Denial?

The truth?

"I think you’re that guarded," Chakotay responded, "You’re afraid of being known. You don’t want to be protected because you think it would make you weak. You don’t want to be possessed because that would make you defenceless," he took the final step toward the desk and leant toward her, somewhat surprised when she didn’t make any attempt to move away, "…Face it, Kathryn…I know you. As a…friend…or a Captain, it entitles me to be possessive of you, protective, actually give a damn what happens to you. You can try and ignore it, but you can’t stop it. You can’t stop me." Having stunned her into silence, he took the opportunity to reach for her, only to touch her arm, worried when she flinched, "Would you rather I didn’t care?"

Kathryn finally forced herself to make eye contact, "…No," she whispered. Regretting her actions, she reached across to him, tightening her grip on his arm when his hand covered hers. A brief moment of soft laughter escaped her, "…You know me too well…"

He removed her hand from his arm, twining her fingers with hers, "So, if you don’t mind, I’d like to give a damn what happens to you…" he teased.

She smiled slightly, "…I guess I don’t have a choice."

"No, you don’t."

And she laughed again, her smile finally lighting her eyes as they met his.

Maybe being human wasn’t so bad after all.

-

Fin