Title: The
Girl that Never Was
Author:
Angel Leviathan
Disclaimer:
Doctor Who, characters, concept, etc, aren’t mine.
Spoilers:
Vague for everything.
Notes:
Written for an LJ challenge.
-
There is a
teenage girl running through the TARDIS. Long hair flies behind her and Rose
notes it is the same colour as hers before she decided to become a blonde. She
doesn’t know the girl. There is nothing familiar about her. The girl is tall,
perhaps taller than Rose, lanky and thin. Long limbed and seems to almost trip over
herself as she runs. It is a miracle she doesn’t fall.
She seems
to know the TARDIS inside out. The girl comes to an abrupt halt, turns and
smiles in Rose’s direction. Her smile grows and she holds out a hand, “Come on,
Mum, let’s go,” blue eyes dance mischievously for a moment, and just as Rose
reaches for her, she runs again.
Rose has
seen this girl many times, though she doesn’t know her name and doesn’t know
where she comes from. She doesn’t know what this girl is doing in the TARDIS,
or why she seems to think she is her mother. She has no children. Will probably have no children in her lifetime. The girl
doesn’t even look like her. Not really. Apart from that hair.
And Rose can barely remember being brunette.
Sometimes
she thinks she must be a ghost. A ghost of a future abandoned. Were it not for
her deciding to go with the Doctor, she would most likely have had a normal
life, would have got married and had children, if she had her way. She has
always wanted a daughter. More than one child, perhaps three
or four. But she doesn’t know this girl. This stranger
who calls her ‘Mum’ and tries to pull her along behind her. The sight of
her makes her hurt. She knows this girl will never exist. If
this girl is her child. She gave up children the moment she ran for the
TARDIS and for the Doctor.
She is
free. The TARDIS is freedom for her, it is more than
she has ever dreamed of. Rose knows that sometimes the Doctor forgets she is
human and thinks she is capable of anything. She never forgets she is human. She
comes from a council estate and she thought she had her life planned out before
her. But now she has total control. She can choose what she does, where, when,
why, and she has chosen to stay with him. She loves it. She thinks she loves
him on some level deeper than anything she has come to know as love. What she
has given up should be insignificant. But it isn’t. And she can’t forget it.
She can’t escape or hide from the life she imagined.
She would
have been a mother one day, Rose is sure of that. Unless some horrible twist of
fate ensured otherwise. Now she will not marry, she will not have children and
she won’t have a house to call her own. The TARDIS,
is, of course, her home, but the TARDIS can never be considered hers. She can
see anything from any when, but she can never hold a child of her own in her
arms. As much as she might love the Doctor, she knows she will never have his
children. She doesn’t even know if it is possible. She isn’t in the TARDIS to
set up home. She’s there to be with him and see the universe. For the rest of her life. Until something
ends it for her.
“Come on,
Mum, come find me.”
Rose
thrashes in her bed as she tries to run after the girl. She calls after her,
pleads with her to slow down. The girl pays her no mind. She keeps running.
Running and running until she is out of sight.
“Wait!”
Rose wakes
to the sound of her own voice, shouting after a phantom.
Fin