Title:
Another Lonely Angel
Author:
Angel Leviathan
Disclaimer:
Doctor Who, characters, concept, etc, don’t belong to
me.
Spoilers:
Doomsday, everything in the most recent two series in general.
Notes:
Alternative take on the end of Doomsday.
-
She
lied.
She
looked him right in the eye, vision blurred with her tears, and she lied.
For
what reason, at the time, she didn’t know. It was something she had been
longing to tell him since they had been parted. When, by some miracle, he found
her and made everything alright again. But he didn’t and he hadn’t. And during
the moments when she could have been truthful, she couldn’t do it. She couldn’t
even touch him, let alone be with him again. He always knew when she was lying,
but not that time. Losing everything she loved had hardened her against the
world. To be fair, she got as far as mentioning the baby. But what was the use
of telling a father he would have a child he would never see, never hold in his
arms? She loved him too much to be that cruel. She was in agony as it was, she couldn’t inflict more pain on him. The disbelief,
the shock, the hope in his eyes decided it for her.
Rose
Tyler looked the Doctor right in the eye, vision blurred with her tears,
and she lied.
Part
of her silence was due to fear, she was able to admit to as much later. Was it
allowed? Was she allowed to have his child? Was there some great cosmic law
they had broken that would bring unknown, terrible danger to all she had left
of him? What would he have done to get to his child, get back to her? Destroyed
two universes, sacrificed people and planets to get to them? She couldn’t live
with that on her conscience. Knowing she lied she could live with. She had
keeping secrets down to a fine art. She could live with keeping one for the
rest of her life. More death, more destruction…even to see
him…no. No more.
Deep
down, she knew she hadn’t wanted to risk someone coming to take her child away.
The impossible was always possible, somehow, somewhere…some when. Someone would
want the child of a Time Lord, even if it was half human. All she knew was that
the baby was all she had. Better to lie and say the baby would be a sibling and
not a son or daughter. The universe was a cold and twisted place. If he ever spoke of having a child somewhere, someone would hear,
someone could reach it. If she ever admitted the baby was his to anyone
beyond the three who had essentially saved her life, she knew it would be taken
from her.
Rose
didn’t go for scans. She didn’t go for checkups. She didn’t ever go to the
hospital. She feared for her child’s life too much, enough to risk both its
life and hers to ensure nobody knew what was in the bloodline of her baby. She
gave birth to a baby boy, at home, in the mansion that was suddenly home.
Jackie laughed in hysterical relief as she delivered what seemed to be a
perfectly normal, and healthy, baby boy. Jack Tyler. Named for a irrepressible captain Rose had once known.
Sixteen
years later, she was now the mother of a precocious sixteen year old. Some said
her son was gifted. Others were hailing him as a genius. A
child prodigy. Rose just saw her son, and saw his father in everything
he did. Brown hair, brown eyes, that manic smile.
Thin, tall and lanky. There were times she begged him to feign ignorance and stupidity.
He was attracting attention to himself. He seemed to be always surrounded by
friends, friends who seemed to genuinely love him. For that, Rose was glad, but
every now and then she caught a look on his features only his father had
mastered. Being alone in a crowd. Terribly
and utterly alone. A lonely angel.
At
times like this, she was tempted to tell him everything. Tell him he wasn’t
just smart, he was brilliant, and that there was a reason for that. That he was
different, he didn’t just sometimes ponder the subject and pretend not to. She
couldn’t. What good would it do? He could never discover everything he wanted
to, even with the truth. Perhaps he would think her mad, telling him he was the
son of an alien, the last of his race, and that now, he, technically, was the
last of the Time Lords. Unless he had some great build-up of genetic knowledge
(and she didn’t even know if that was possible) that would allow him to somehow
get to the answers he sought, the truth would only wound her son. So Rose
remained silent.
God,
he was so like his father it hurt.
She
carried on with her life. She worked daily at Torchwood and made sure Jack
never got anywhere near the building. She had no idea what they would do if
they ever got their hands on him, even for a second. Rose spoke daily of aliens
and other worlds and sometimes of the Doctor and gradually learned sometimes to
smile when she spoke of him, instead of breaking down in tears. She learned to
be strong, for her son if not for herself. She would do anything for him, she
had to protect him from what she knew and he didn’t. He thought the fantastical
tales she sometimes told him were all made up – he told her she should write
children’s books and sell her stories. She could never sell the truth. And besides,
her parents, her suddenly rich parents, made sure that she and Jack never
wanted for anything. They had enough money to bribe doctors and pharmacists for
anything Jack ever needed, no questions asked. Examination records were always
destroyed and anyone who got close enough to know how different he was, if only
biologically, was always paid off with enough cash for them never to want for
anything either.
Mickey
offered to marry her. Several times. Rose knew he
wanted to marry her. But she couldn’t. She couldn’t marry him when they both
knew he would always be second best. And, even though she always told herself
she was wrong in the head for even hoping, she thought that one day the Doctor
might find a way to see her again. She finally convinced Mickey to marry a
woman he really loved, not her. She was sad on his wedding day, but she
wouldn’t have had it any other way. She couldn’t let him keep waiting for her
to change her mind.
Any
romances she had were over quickly and usually messy. Nobody could ever live up
to what she had lost. Nobody would ever understand about Jack, she couldn’t
trust anyone to let them get that close to him. She had one night stands and
even an affair with a married man, once, only when the loneliness got too much
for her to bear. When she wanted physical comfort and nothing
else. Just trying to feel alive again. And failing.
Rose
was watching over her three siblings one day, one of whom was still of an age
where going to the park was exciting, the other two engaged in some sort of new
technical game, when she heard a familiar voice. From years back. She shook her
head and didn’t move from the bench she sat on, telling herself she was being
stupid and fanciful. She supposed it could be Jack, but he was at school. She
heard the voice again and glanced at her two eldest siblings, “Did you guys say
something?”
Kathryn
and Elizabeth looked at her as if she were mad for a moment, then both shook
their heads and returned to their game.
Rose
tracked the movements of the youngest
“Rose.”
She
stood up and whirled round, taking a step back when she laid eyes on the figure
before her.
“Hello,
Rose Tyler.”
TBC…?