Title:
Leaves a Chill InsteadAuthor: Angel Leviathan
Spoilers: Anything, everything.
Season: Future
Disclaimer: Stargate Atlantis, characters, concept, etc, aren’t mine.
Notes: None
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He died for her.
That was the plain fact and agonising truth.
She had been too slow and he had paid the price.
She had been inexperienced in combat situations and that was what destroyed him.
She had been weak and he had protected her.
Elizabeth sat opposite his gravestone, just staring at it, utterly transfixed. She reached out to touch it, "…I loved you, you know," she said softly, matter of fact-ly, "I did. I loved you very much," she stared at the floor for a brief moment before she looked back up, "I’m sorry I never told you. I’m sorry we never found out if…well…I suppose you know how that ends," her voice dropped to a whisper, "…I’m sorry, John. I’m sorry for so many things…and I’m sorry the last thing you saw…was me…" silent tears ran down her face, ones she had been determined not to shed, not to show weakness at his grave.
She had insisted on accompanying them off-world to seal a negotiation and begin a trading partnership. He had told her to stay behind, but she had pulled rank. She should have just stayed safely behind her desk, at least then he’d most likely still be alive. Smirking at her, like he always did, always trying to make her laugh, even at the worst of times.
None of them had known they had no intention of starting a partnership.
None of them had known they were going to pull weapons on them.
None of them had known they were going to have to fight their way back to the ‘Gate.
Fully aware of how dangerous their lives were, Elizabeth still had somehow never thought she would be sitting beside the grave of John Sheppard. He had survived so many times against insurmountable odds she must have believed him to be somewhat invincible.
They had fired shots at her, hoping to take down their leader, and he had stepped between them. Not run and thrown himself at her, not jumped into their path, just gave her a small shove out of the way as he stepped in front of her and the bullets ripped into him to send him crashing to the floor.
He had barely been breathing, almost gone in the few seconds it had taken her to crouch beside him and cover him in a weak attempt to protect him, maybe to get some of the bullets to hit her too.
"…Go…" he had uttered.
She shook her head, hands forming fists that gripped the blood soaked material of his uniform.
"…Elizabeth…go…" John coughed, crimson seeping from the corner of his mouth.
She then searched for words that never came, desperately trying to choke something, anything, forth.
"…Live…" he gasped, voice faint.
He was dead before she stood.
And she ran with the rest of his team on legs she couldn’t feel and with a heart she’d already left behind.
"…If it means anything at all…it was your city too…" Elizabeth whispered, drawing her hand away from the headstone, "…and if I could just convince myself that you’re really here, that we just managed to take you away from that planet…that this was more than just a memorial…" she shook her head, "…We don’t leave people behind…but you told me to go…I’d give anything just to get your body back…even if your soul is long gone…" she stood up, slowly, steadying herself. Elizabeth took a step back, neatly avoiding a tall bright flower than stood before the black headstone, "…A sunflower, right? I hope you like it," she smiled gently, "…You did always love the sun…" another step back and she folded her arms across her chest, "…I have to go back to Pegasus tomorrow. …Maybe…maybe I’ll see you in Atlantis…" Elizabeth turned away and began to take steady steps that took her from the grave, pausing only to glance back over her shoulder, "…Goodbye, John…"
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Fin